I had no idea... no clue when we started this adventure how many people would impact us. People we know, people we don't know and people we now know but may never meet in person.
I want to type something here about how we're only halfway through and are amazed by all the blessings God is providing in this journey, but we aren't... or we may be further along than I think. We have no clue.... this isn't just a 9 month venture where we getting a happy wrinkly little person placed in or arms at the end and reminisce about the beautiful process it was to get to that point. It could be done and onto the next journey of raising our baby before we know it... or it could last much, much longer a length of time I couldn't even begin to guess.
in this process I get angry some days... some days I lay on the floor and beg God to take away my anger because of things that I read and what people say about adopting parents. Things that I don't know why I read because I know they will make me angry, or I'm angry because we have to depend on other people to help us bring our baby home... I forget that even what seem like mistakes on other peoples parts that feel like they are making the road to our child stretch our longer and farther are still part of Gods plan... they are not throwing His perfectly mastered timeline out of whack like they do in the plans I laid out in my head. Then God puts it on a friends heart to message me and let me know they're praying for us.
in this process some days (more often than I care to admit) I cry... because all I want is for my arms not to be empty anymore to feel like they're waiting to be filled with the tiny little person my heart knows we are coming for. I cry because I forget... I forget to rely on God and not myself. I forget to tell Him my woe's and instead I bottle them up because I think I can handle my heart on my own, but I can't. Then I get a completely random message from a fellow adoptive momma that I've never met just encouraging me to keep pressing on.
Its amazing... it can only be God putting it on these people's hearts, because by all other counts it is totally random.
So I will say we are "in" this process and again I am amazed by God... I am amazed how He places someone in my way to show His glory always at just the right time. He reminds me that He is in control and I am not... which as much as I don't like it at times, it is exactly what I need to hear. But if I'm honest I am so glad I'm not in control... because I forget that I need these seemingly random blessings in strangers, the random facebook messages from fellow adopting moms, the encouragements from others who have walked this road, donations from both complete strangers and people that we know. Our arms may feel empty at times, but our hearts are so full. Full of Gods mercy and blessings that we can never figure out.
We'd like to think that we could do this on our own... to think that we don't have to depend on others to get through this process, but we can't. We need the prayers, we need the loving notes, we need the advice (sometimes ;) ) we need the understanding ears, we need the blessings that you all are to us.
I've heard the saying "It takes a village", I never really thought much of it until now... but it does. God gives us what we need when we need it, and sometimes we need a village.
