Its crazy to look at all that has happened since we got him, it's crazier even yet to think about that day. I don't broadcast much about it because it wasn't just our day... it wasn't just a beautiful joyous occasion where we became parents. In fact when I think about that day in particular it mostly brings tears. Tears for many reasons, but many of them not purely happy tears. In an effort to keep our sons story HIS I don't share many of the details, but I will say this. His first mama is beautiful... I can scarcely find the words to express how I feel about her. If you've ever adopted you know its a bittersweet experience... I saw a love the likes of which I didn't know existed on this earth for one person from another. Her love for us was and is great, but her love for him was and is boundless. She is brave, sweet, kind, quiet and amazing and I will never grow tired of telling our son about her.
I've discovered in life that God rarely gives me what I think I want when I ask for it. When I pleaded with Him for a child two years ago I had no idea the child I was pleading for wouldn't come from my own body. Dave and I prayed long and hard about what we should do... we knew we were called to be parents, we also knew that we wanted to adopt at some point, but we did not know that those two worlds would collide far sooner than we expected.
In early July of 2016 Dave and I made the decision to start the adoption process and by start I mean start researching what agency and route to use...we knew two things, adoption can be a lengthy process (2 plus years) and there is a steep learning curve when it comes to adopting. So, we RAN up it at full speed. From the start we were following Gods lead (I say that because we basically had no idea what we were doing) all we knew is that we were supposed to be parents and we were supposed to adopt... other than that we were pretty much in the dark. We followed wherever we felt Gods lead and He led us EXACTLY where we were supposed to go, in a hurry! We had no idea that almost 9 months after we decided to start the adoption process, we would be parents.
All that to say, I KNOW for a fact that none of this was by chance. I know that, that beautiful little boy that falls asleep on my chest every night was supposed to be in our lives. It was made even more evident to me that he was meant to be ours when I found out I was pregnant 4 days after we returned home with him. Why, you might ask did our pregnancy make it more evident? Because for so long I wanted to carry a child inside me... I had a plan in my mind of how motherhood would look... first biological then adopted. But now when I look at my son I see neither of those things.... He is not our "adopted son"... he is only our son. Daves, mine and his first mama's.
My children are mine, whether they are adopted or biological, brown, white or black. All of the children that God brings us will be ours and I will never see them any other way. They will all have their own stories, but I will love them all the same.
I forget where the quote is from or who said it...
"He may not have my eyes or my smile, but he has my heart"
