Dear mama,
You may just be starting on this journey or just starting to think about it, you may already have a little one or a few. Or you may be just passing through the sorrow of not being able to have any yourself. But my dear, don't let anyone tell you that a mama isn't what you are. You have a mama's heart and you're well on your way to finding that little person that will someday make your heart sing.
I'm here to tell you a few things. Things that I'm glad someone told me and things I wish someone would've said.
First- pray, pray always, pray everything. Yes... God knows what's in your heart, but I encourage am telling you, say it to Him anyway. Pray, because if you're not in constant communication with God you will get discouraged, you will get angry and you will let things get into your head and heart that shouldn't be there.
Talk to you husband about everything. Everything you feel and think pour it out to him. Let him hold you. Let him tell you what he's thinking and don't judge him for what he says. Talk to each other, have conversations about things. Make sure you're on the same page about what and how much you're telling other people, yes even your best friend and family.
Think before you speak. I've heard it said by many "I have never regretted not saying something, but almost always regretted saying to much". When in doubt don't, is a good rule to have. I have said things out of anger I've regretted (no matter what someone said to bring it on) and I have often regretted saying to much out of excitement.
You are not crazy (<Please read that again... and again... and again) Someone told me that when I felt my craziest. You are on a hard journey, a journey that will take everything out of you every day. You will probably end many days crying, but its ok. I have told many people when they asked "How are you doing" ... "I am everything". You will feel everything all the time. You will feel every emotion under the sun every day until that baby is in your arms... and probably even after that.
Your journey doesn't just involve you and your husband. It involves that babies first mama, and possibly her family. You're not only concerned about yourself, but you're concerned about her, and how she's feeling and how she's doing (again I say PRAY. Pray for her, her heart and her family).
As much as you or others will try to convince you to not think about it, there is always a very real chance that first mama will decide to parent, and you need to understand and be ok with that. Guard your heart, but don't you dare be afraid to love that baby and that mama. You don't know why God has put you in her life and what she needs. So again I say love her fearlessly.
Be that first mamas advocate. If your adoption is open, there is a very real possibility that you will be there for the birth. There are many types of people in this world, but two of the types that you will be dealing with that day are helpful people and hurtful people. Figure out who is who. Cling to the helpful and guard from the hurtful. I'm not talking about guarding you, guard that mama. Don't let anyone make her feel small, don't you dare let anyone talk down to her. ESPECIALLY if she is on her own, you are her family and you protect her.
Last I will tell you this. Find someone who's been there. Who's gone through this journey. Cling to them, ask them all the questions at all hours. Don't be afraid to pour out to them, you need that. Your emotional waters will fill up every day and you have to let some out before you break the dam.
You can do this mama, you may not think you can, but I know you can. I know because God is calling you and what He calls you to He will bring you through.
As much as you or others will try to convince you to not think about it, there is always a very real chance that first mama will decide to parent, and you need to understand and be ok with that. Guard your heart, but don't you dare be afraid to love that baby and that mama. You don't know why God has put you in her life and what she needs. So again I say love her fearlessly.
Be that first mamas advocate. If your adoption is open, there is a very real possibility that you will be there for the birth. There are many types of people in this world, but two of the types that you will be dealing with that day are helpful people and hurtful people. Figure out who is who. Cling to the helpful and guard from the hurtful. I'm not talking about guarding you, guard that mama. Don't let anyone make her feel small, don't you dare let anyone talk down to her. ESPECIALLY if she is on her own, you are her family and you protect her.
Last I will tell you this. Find someone who's been there. Who's gone through this journey. Cling to them, ask them all the questions at all hours. Don't be afraid to pour out to them, you need that. Your emotional waters will fill up every day and you have to let some out before you break the dam.
You can do this mama, you may not think you can, but I know you can. I know because God is calling you and what He calls you to He will bring you through.
