I dream...

I had another dream last night

its about you...

 

You're there in my arms, I know your name, what you look like, the color of your skin, the texture of your hair, the color of your eyes, where you came from, what your laugh sounds like, this dream feels so real...

 

but then I wake up... I burst awake... I search the room for you but I am back in reality and you're not there and I can barely remember you at all now that my eyes are open and I feel like I'm losing my mind. All I know is that I knew you when I was asleep.

 

It feels like its so close, the end of all this... or the beginning, its both at the same time.

 

I am told not to but I do. I daydream, I daydream often about so many things. I daydream about when we get a phone call that will change our lives forever, I daydream about meeting our babies birth mother and all the things I want to say to her about how I want to be a listening ear for her. I daydream about our baby and who they will be and the kind of mother I want to be for them. I daydream about all the adventures, both big and small, we will have as a family.

 

Its like a room in my mind that I shut myself in without realizing it, a room that gives me just a little hope when I feel like our journey to you will never end...

 

How do I keep my mind busy? How do I keep my heart in check? I feel like a huge balloon being pushed down under a blanket... I try so hard to keep myself in check

 

 

because we have no idea how much longer this will go on. There is no end in sight....

 

 

My sweet baby, I'm already in love with you... I know they say I shouldn't be.... that I should wait... that I shouldn't think to much about you... that I should control my emotions... but I can't help myself. You're in my heart, my heart so full of love that it hurts, so full of love that it could burst...

 

"You will fall in love at the most unexpected time, with the most unexpected person"