We pray(ed)

Its funny how God answers your prayers.... if I'm honest they're rarely answered the way I expect. But they're answered so much better than I could ever dream.

At the beginning of last year (2016) I made a new years resolution to pray more.  I told God I wanted to pray more, I wanted wisdom, patience, grace, bla bla bla... at least that's what I told myself, but God knew better. God knew my heart... my selfish heart. He knew what I really wanted was to beg Him for a baby, but I tried to put it under the guise what I thought would  sound best when speaking to the almighty God of the universe.... ironically I figured somehow that the God of the universe "wouldn't see" my selfish heart. I chuckle every time I think about how stupid that sounds... "God wouldn't notice."

Little did I know (as always) He would help me pray more... and I would pray for every single thing that I was using to hide behind to make myself feel better. Because that's how God works, His plan is custom designed to take me down the route that He knows will be best. Sometimes that road is a little rougher than I like, but who am I? (just the girl that thinks she can hide things from the omnipotent God *Face Palm*)

I prayed, I prayed often. I prayed for a baby, a baby for me, for Cowboy... for our family. I wanted so much just to be a mom and for Cowboy to be a dad.

 

Slowly I prayed for wisdom, when the realization started to set in that I might not carry that baby. Prayed that we would know what to do when the time came to decide what to do...

I prayed for patience as we waited to find out what to do, whether we were supposed to get tests done or to do adopt or to simply just be us.

Then we decided to adopt, God led us to adoption and we could not have been more overjoyed!

Then.... I prayed for grace. Because to my surprise *sarcastic eye-roll* people say stupid things... rude things, because they do not know our story. They don't know our journey to get here.

Recently I listened to a podcast by John Piper called "Pray like this...". If you want a kick in the pants I would suggest you listen to it. God is amazing ya'll. He broke my heart.... sounds funny doesn't it? I'm so grateful that He broke my heart... because when He broke my heart I could see through the cracks past my selfishness. (Jeremiah 17:9) He broke my heart I saw past myself and I saw His heart inside me... and I like it so much better than my own. His heart makes me wiser, more patient, and gives me grace.

God answers prayer... and so we pray.